Whatever you do, don't let go
by x.xOracles.Shadowx.x
Summary: A mission ends in the worst possible way for Jim, and while in limbo, he finds someone unexpected waiting for him. A long one shot, just to satisfy my inner fangirl's wish to see 'new' Kirk meet 'old' Kirk. Rated T for some language. Enjoy.


AN: I don't own it, or them unfortunately. I wish I did, I truly wish I did. As it is, I'm just borrowing them for my own amusement, and possibly the amusement of others. Gene Roddenberry, you brought these boys to us, and we're grateful to you. You were truly a prince among men, and you are missed.

This was another one shot that was floating around my USB. I was going to submit it months ago, but then school got in the way. -_-; Not sure if this qualifies as a crossover or not, but I just thought that, since Spock got to meet his other self while the world was about to end (literally, in Vulcan's case), why can't Kirk meet his? And so, this little piece happened.

I'm working on something more light hearted for Star Trek right now, but it'll be a multi chaptered story instead of a one-shot, and feature Bones/Uhura (or as I dub them, McHura). I'm excited. =)

As always, feel free to point out any mistakes I may've made. I don't think I've edited this too well, so there will probably be an error or two. Review if you like, but remember that flames will be used to make smores. =) Without further ado, enjoy!____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jim's first thought when he rejoined the world of the conscious was 'What in the hell did Bones stick me with this time?' He let out a groan, and when he heard his own voice reflect back at him, he knew he wasn't where he should have been.

As the young captain lay still, thinking of what exactly had happened to him and where he was, it came back to him. Starfleet had sent him orders to do a routine check of a near by colony, make sure they were surviving and see if they needed any help. He remembered Spock had told him there was some mineral or another that he wanted to see, and that it would involve going deep into an underground cavern. He'd wanted to go alone, but Jim wouldn't hear of it, so he'd gone with him. They'd found what Spock was looking for, so Jim decided to explore the cave a little further.

He was maybe 20 feet away from Spock at most when he felt the first tremor. Then, it felt like the planet was suffering a massive seizure. He could hear Spock yelling his name from where he was, and Jim turned to run back to his First. He didn't see the sheet of rock that came crashing down after him. All he felt was a crushing weight land on his back, heard Spock still screaming for him to answer, and everything went black.

"Okay... What mess have you gotten yourself into this time, Kirk?" Jim sighed, cracking his eye open to see himself staring into pitch black. He heard a soft laugh behind him, and opened both eyes, craning his head back to see who was behind him.

"I asked myself that on a daily basis." the voice told him, and a male figure walked out of the black. Jim thought he was looking at one of those weird age enhancing programs Bones had shown him. The man looked like Jim would have in 15 years, right down to the yellow Captain's shirt.

"Uh, hi." Jim greeted, sitting up carefully. He had the feeling that he shouldn't have been able to move, but dismissed it until later.

"Hello. That was quite a fall you took, Captain Kirk." the man answered, and if Jim hadn't been looking at him, he wouldn't have believed one man could squeeze so much emotion and amusement into one facial expression. Jim had the uncomfortable feeling he was being laughed at.

"Yeah, you're telling me. Uh, I don't mean to be rude, but who the hell are you?" Jim asked, standing on shaky feet. It was a little disconcerting to be standing in pure darkness with who he was sure was the infamous James Tiberius Kirk from Spock Prime's time, but when in Rome.

"I'm you." the older male answered, a vague smile on his face.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Just wanted to be sure." Jim sighed, stretching his back and hearing a satisfying crack. 'Great, now I'm having a conversation with myself... I hate time travel.'

"I remember when I could do that and not need Spock to re- align my spine." The other him chuckled. Jim couldn't imagine being comfortable with Spock touching his back, but the idea did have a certain appeal.

"That'll be the day. So, what am I doing here?" Jim asked.

"You're having a near death experience, Jim." Kirk replied.

"What?! Oh, that's great. Bones is going to kill me." Jim sighed, not at all worried. He knew Bones would beat the life back into him if he ever died. And then beat the life out of him for dying, because the Doc was just that contradictory.

"Oh probably. But it's not like he hasn't tried before." Kirk laughed. Jim decided not to think how fucked up his mental state was. He'd almost died, and now he was having a conversation with another version of himself who may or may not have been in love with Spock Prime. Yep, just another day in paradise, Jim thought.

"Wait, what happened to Spock? He couldn't have had time to get out of the tunnel before the cave in." Jim asked, looking around but knowing his First would have come out of the dark had he been there. A horrible thought struck Jim, and he felt the odd sensation of wanting to vomit all over his own shoes. "Spock couldn't have made it out in time... Oh God, tell me he's not dead."

"No, Jim, Spock isn't dead. Believe me when I say it takes a hell of a lot more than a simple cave in to kill Spock." Kirk assured Jim calmly. "He was probably under a more stable part of the cave when the tremor happened. He's probably already called Bones to come down ASAP, if Bones wasn't already on the planet when your life signature vanished. Besides, you're in your own mind right now."

"Wha.. My life signature? You mean I'm actually-?" Jim couldn't bring himself to actually say the words.

"For all intents and purposes, yes, Jim, you are actually dead at the moment."

"So why am I here?" Jim asked, determinedly locking down his urge to panic at the thought of not being able to get back.

"Your body may be dead, but your brain hasn't gotten the message yet. You're still hanging in there, if only by the skin of your teeth if that's any indication." Kirk nodded to Jim's shoulder. Jim looked down and wanted to scream when he saw half of his shirt had been torn away, and the blood that dripped down his torso from an open slash going across over his shoulder and down his back.

"What- I don't remember that happening..." Jim's eyes were as wide as saucers.

"You'd probably been unconscious at the time. It's nothing a couple days in sick bay, some morphine, and some stitches won't cure." Kirk replied.

"It doesn't hurt. Shouldn't it hurt?" Jim asked.

"You're out of body at the moment, so no, I wouldn't imagine it would. I know when I died in the Nexus, I didn't feel a thing after the frame hit me." Kirk answered.

"The Nexus? Should you be telling me this stuff? Won't it affect the time/space continuum?" Jim asked. Kirk looked at him, and began laughing so hard he was having a hard time.. not breathing, or breathing as much as a corpse could, or... 'I fucking hate time travel.', Jim decided, forgoing his endeavor to classify how exactly his other self was breathing.

"Oh that's rich... You must have had a conversation with my Spock. Only he could make me say something like that with a straight face." Kirk wheezed, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Yeah, on Delta Vega when he saved my life." Jim answered. Kirk instantly sobered up, and his back went straight. Jim couldn't help but fear that he was about to get punched out by his other self, and wondered how in the fuck he would explain coming back from the dead with a broken jaw, or worse. Bones would have a kaniption fit.

"Delta Vega? Why were you there?" Kirk demanded.

"My Spock, the one in my time, he was the first mate when Pike was captured. I was trying to save his ass from being blasted into space dust by Nero, and he goes and maroons me on Delta Vega. Jackass." Jim muttered. He was still pissed about that, and took every opportunity to make his pissy-ness known. "I was attacked by a big, hairy... something, and Prime saved me. He did a mind meld and showed me that he was who he said he was, and explained to me about you, and how I was supposed to be the Enterprise's captain."

"Spock always hated captaincy." Kirk mused with a soft smile on his face. "You're right. The White Lady was always supposed to be captained by a Kirk. My Spock always understood that to be anything but a Captain would be my idea of Hell. It sounds to me like you don't quite have the... connection that my Spock and I had. That's unfortunate. That connection is half of what made me the best Captain my Starfleet had ever seen."

"Were you sleeping with your Spock?" Jim blurted out. He had no idea where that had come from, but he did know that what he saw in his mind meld with Prime showed that the older Vulcan had carried a long burning torch for his other self.

Kirk gave him a long, indiscernible look as he considered those words, then opened his mouth slowly. Jim wasn't sure if he was ready to hear the answer, but he knew that once he did, his fate was sealed.

"Once. A long time ago. I... Something happened, the day after... It, it broke our connection. We were still bonded at the deepest level, but something... changed. We were never the same." Kirk explained slowly.

"Did you love him?" Jim asked. Somewhere in his mind, the voice in his head that sounded like Bones was telling him to shut the hell up before he had his face handed to him, but another, deeper based voice was telling him that this would affect the rest of his life, and was, God willing, the only time he would be able to ask these questions.

"I couldn't, not without stripping both of us of our command. Losing that would have killed the both of us." Kirk answered softly.

"I didn't mean physically." Jim replied, resisting the Bones response of rolling his eyes.

"I know what you meant. And I know what you're going to say, so don't lie to either of us like that. Jim, you know me, us. If I let myself show just how much I loved him, I'd have compromised everything." Jim was dismayed to know that his argument was invalid even before he said anything.

"If you were as great in your time as you claim, why didn't you do something to change the laws so you could be together?"

"You think I didn't try?!" Kirk bristled. "I couldn't give him everything he wanted, and I damn well wasn't going to destroy his life over something we could never have. Yes I regret it, but what's done can't be undone."

"Being with you wouldn't have destroyed his life!" Jim yelled. "I was in his mind on Delta Vega, and you know what I saw? After he showed me why Nero was out to kill everybody, I saw a thousand and one memories of his all at once, like a little slide show. You were in every single one of those memories."

"What did you see?" Jim had the thought that his other self didn't look too good.

"I saw you playing multi layered chess. You and Bones, standing on the bridge just talking and laughing. You were on a planet and I saw spores. I saw him standing over you with a rope around your neck. You looked like you were dead. And I saw him staring at you, as some dippy looking blonde chick with an exaggerated bee hive hair-do flirted with you. All he wanted was to be with you, and watching but never having you was killing him!" Jim exclaimed. "He loved you, damn it!"

"I know he did!" Kirk yelled back, his eyes bright. "You think I didn't? I wanted to be with him more than anything in the world! He is my t'hy'la! I would have done anything for him!"

"Except the one thing that mattered!" Jim muttered scornfully.

"Oh like you're one to talk! Tell me, Jim, how much progress have you made, hm? Are you and your Spock together yet, in absolute bliss?" Kirk snarled, making a scowl mar Jim's face. The younger captain had the sudden urge to hit the other him, then heard his young nephew's voice saying, 'Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself...'

'It's official.' Jim thought, running a hand through his blood dripped hair, noticing there was a large gash behind his left ear. 'I'm fucked.'

"No, we're not. But the difference is, we've only known each other for a few months, and let's not forget, the man kicked my ass around the bridge like a bean bag! It will take time, time which you and your Spock had all to yourselves but never took advantage of!" Jim answered firmly, emphasizing certain words. "Go ahead, _Jim_, deny it, go on! Tell me that you never had the chance to be alone for an hour! Tell me that during all those chess matches, you never once flirted back because it was unbecoming of a captain to be flirting with his first!"

"You know as well as I do that I can't do that." Kirk answered softly. Jim felt his anger soften.

"I know. It's just, I don't like seeing someone I care so much about be hurt. Your Spock seems like a pretty awesome guy. He gets me, knows why I am the way I am." Jim saw the look of shock on his other self's face, as well as the hint of jealousy that splashed behind his eyes. "But, he isn't mine. The Spock in my time is mine. Prime, he's great. He loves you, to this day, just like you love him. He's yours. Always has been, and chances are, always will be. One doesn't just 'get over' Jim Kirk."

"You've got that right." Kirk replied with a slight smile that existed only behind his eyes.

Jim opened his mouth to reply when he suddenly felt phantom hands grasp his shoulders. They were too hot to be human.

'No. McCoy, over here! I've found Jim!' Jim's heart almost broke out of his chest.

"Spock?!" Jim yelled, trying to find where the voice was coming from.

'Oh my God, Jim! Move, you green blooded hobgoblin! Give me space to work here!' Jim vaguely heard the sound of a tricorder, and felt what he thought was a hypo get pressed into his neck.

"Bones! Oh my God, they found me!" Jim almost cried with how glad he was. He looked at Kirk, who also had a smile on his face.

"It won't be long until they revive you." Kirk observed and Jim already felt the panels hit his chest, trying to jolt his heart back to life.

'Damn it! Jim, don't you dare die on me now! Spock, clean the wound, I can't get a good charge with so much goddamn blood in my way! Jim, you would have to be a bleeder wouldn't you?!'

'Scott, hurry, notify Uhura and have blankets and a stretcher sent down ASAP! Hurry up! Jim could die!' Jim could hear the horror in Spock's voice and something odd shifted in his chest.

"Will I remember this when I wake up?" Jim asked, seeing the blood get removed from his chest wound.

"Hard to say. All depends what kind of pain killer Bones uses. Knowing me, you probably will though." Kirk replied.

"Well, this has been.... I don't actually know what this has been." Jim chuckled lightly, then felt the insane sensation of air siphoning into his lungs. He hadn't even realized he hadn't been breathing.

"Call it an experience. And a good one, I think. Seeing you has reminded me that I used to be quite a looker in my younger days." Kirk explained, grinning. Jim grinned back, knowing his own sense of humor.

"What can I say? It's no wonder everyone in the academy wanted me." Jim laughed.

"Ah, the good old days. Before love had to go and mess everything up." Kirk laughed, then let a pained expression onto his face. "Jim I wouldn't try to influence your life, but please, just listen to this one piece of advice. In my time, I faced down aliens, psychopaths, genocidal maniacs, diseases no one had ever heard of, super humans, nuclear armistice, and even my dark side. And I beat them. Not alone, but with my crew, my friends, helping me. With Spock by my side, nothing could beat us. We were the ultimate team. You're not me. You've lived a very different life than I have, but we still ended up following the same path. I was raised following the Prime Directive, and the only time I've ever broken it was for Spock. I gave up my career, I lied, stole, and threatened the very fabric of time for Spock. And I've never regretted it. You may be different than me, Jim, but I promise you that you need Spock. He can bring out the very deepest wells of your potential. Just as you will for him."

"Prime said something like that to me, before the Enterprise set sail. He said our friendship would define the both of us." Jim replied as he felt his body moving, being pulled out from under the stone that had trapped him.. "What are you trying to say here? Follow your life plan to the letter, so I can become as great as you?"

"No, nothing like that." Kirk sighed. "Your life is your own to live. I have no doubt that you will become the greatest Starfleet Captain in history, and that you won't need my blue print for it. You'll do it your way. But I need you to understand that while you are destined for greatness, you need Spock beside you or you will fail."

"I already know that. We're working on it. It's just difficult.." Jim sighed, feeling phantom hands carrying him and laying him out on a stretcher.

'Jim.. I do not know if you can hear me. I am sorry that I was not able to get to you in time. Jim, please, wake up.' Spock's voice pleaded from somewhere up above them.

"I'm coming, Spock." Jim whispered. He hated hearing so much distress in Spock's voice.

"You care for him. Never forget that feeling, Jim. That... that simple feeling. Don't make the same mistake I did and let it go, because once you do, you let him go. Whatever you do, don't let go." Kirk requested, smiling slightly.

"I won't." Jim promised. The black around him began fading to gray, and Kirk began to vanish.

"You're rejoining the world of the living. Good luck, Jim." Kirk told him.

"Thanks. I... I'll make you proud." Jim smiled slightly. "Any messages you wanted me to take back? Because I am so going to tell Prime about this."

"I would be disappointed if you didn't. Tell him... Tell him David says hello, and that he isn't angry with him. He'll know. And that... That I am, and always shall be, his. That I'll keep my promise to find him in both life, and death." Kirk replied, and Jim noticed the faint beginning of tears in his other self's eyes.

"I'll tell him." Jim swore as the space around him got lighter. Kirk vanished into the light and he began smelling the tell tale signs of hypospray.

"Jim!" Kirk's voice called. "Take care of him, both of him! And beware a man named K..."

Jim's eyes shot wide open and the first thing he saw when his eyes focused was Spock, looking at him with wide eyes. He saw Bones standing a few feet away, busy sorting through bandages and blankets that Jim, who was feeling the damage now, would need.

"Jim! Captain, you're alive!" Spock exclaimed. Jim didn't say a word, but he remembered Kirk's words, and wrapped Spock in a tight hug against his bandaged chest.

"I won't let go... And I'll always take care of him." Jim muttered into Spock's hair as the Science officer hugged him back just as tightly. In the distance, a transparent figure wearing a captain's shirt laughed, then vanished into thin air. Jim heard the laugh, and would swear he heard the words,

'Ah young love.. Never let him go, Jim.'

Jim decided, as he looked at his First and held tighter, that he didn't need to be told twice.

THE END


End file.
